Many people and traditions believe it is easier to reach spiritual realization when we are not bound by family ties or worldly obligations. In many ways, and in many situations, this is true. And yet… not exactly.
Relationships are so difficult precisely because they show us the most excellent way.
Every encounter with the Other helps us grow, because it brings to the light the hidden and unactualized potential within us. An unpleasant encounter brings forth the unhealed parts of us — but is for that very reason often more productive than a pleasant encounter.
In romantic relationships, and especially in soul connections that cut through to the very depth of our being, we begin by interacting with our hidden “alter ego”. For women, it is the shadow (in this sense, hidden) masculine. For men, it is the shadow feminine.
They are, most commonly, the projections of our inner children, immature images of a good or evil mother, loving or absent father, forever playing our a childish fantasy. We fall in love with a savior, a princess, a maid, a singer, someone who we thing is the ideal image our other half. And of course, very soon, they don’t fail to disappoint — because ultimately, they are not real.
There is only one solution. To grow up. To begin to do the soul work, i.e., the work of re-connecting with our souls, and to help our shadow man or shadow woman grow into the light of day. We can only have real relationships through our adult selves, not projections.
But for this very reason, because of the powerful imperative to grow up, relationships are the most powerful tool of spiritual growth. Far from being a hindrance on the path, they are actually a great blessing (often difficult to appreciate). Without having a mirror of our shadow selves in our face every day, it is much more difficult to grow :)
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